Ready for a Day of Tranquillity?
ACIM Lesson 273: “Perhaps we are now ready for a day of undisturbed tranquillity?”
When I read the first sentence of the lesson 273 I had to laugh out loud! I was having one of those days, hormones or what have you, when everything knocked me off balance. Was I already due on?
Something was bothering me and I could not pinpoint what it was at the time.
I had thought that I had already reached some deeper level of peace after four years with ACIM, meditation with Hemi-Sync, and the mastering Reiki after 10 years of training.
The only thing out of the ordinary was that my dearest husband had taken a week holiday at home. He of course required my attention while I had kind of planned to keep my normal daily routines. I had to deal with another a couple of issues.
And voilà – I had stress! What had happened to my peaceful state?
Working from home for the last twelve month, I have hardly any confrontation with people nor a boss that breathes down my neck. So my days and working hours pass rather peacefully. But that week with my husband home, I could not do the things I thought I had to.
On that Friday I had an empty feeling within me, which turned into sadness. I was in a furniture store with my husband in the morning.
The store was an alternative kind which played meditation music and had running fountains with a lot of Buddha statues and other eastern ornaments scattered among the furnitures. Somehow that made me really sad and suddenly I had to cry.
By the evening my mood had turned to anger. I was feeling attacked and started picking fights. My poor husband felt with me, but did not understand why I was so upset this time. Concerned he asked if I ever considered to have myself checked for bipolar disorder – just to show that he was trying to find a solution with me.
That was the wrong thing to ask a psychotic woman who is most likely due for her period. On a side-note I remember a woman been declared innocent in the US after killing a man while suffering from premenstrual disorder. I exploded, and attacked. God, was I good at digging up old waste and boy, did I have a memory!
The next day, my pre-puberty boy was testing his borders and ignoring my pleading to clean up his plate. After the fifth time of him ignoring me, I just clicked and sent him to his room after throwing a threatening tirade at him.
Still shivering with anger, I went to fold up the washing. I came across some of my adult daughter’s tops and I remembered that she had not helped me with any house work for ages. When I noticed some of her boyfriend’s clothes on the washing line I got the excuse I needed!
It was midday and she still had not gotten up. That is normal and I had come to accept that it was her life and she should know best. But not that day! There and then I stormed up the stairs and I got her out of bed!
Then I had a long speech that I would not accept any more of her disrespectful behaviour and that she could not treat our home as if it was a hotel. She could not come and go as she pleased without helping out. This was followed by me having a go at her lack of engagement with her studies.
She just stared at me defiantly and did not speak with me for a whole week after that! Who could blame her?
I knew why I was laughing out loud when reading the intro to the lesson, the day before. The volcano that would break out this weekend had already been simmering and I could feel the tremors and foresee the major eruptions.
Thankfully, my husband insisted on going to the beach. I was not capable to move towards a positive change on my own. Great we did, we all relaxed. Being in nature, always helps me to reload energy. And the boys simply love to play in the sea with the waves.
I could not believe how angry I had been at home. At last I could contemplate what the lesson meant by: “The stillness of the Peace of God is mine.” After we came home and had dinner, something in me was still not right.
My husband and I both desired to make up properly and connect with each other. We talked things over and then there was another spitting of hot lava from my mouth! We had another discussion and my husband had enough! He said: “You know, it is really hard to be with you when you are like this. And frankly, I would rather be alone now.”
I froze and the lesson sprang into my memory. I chose not to answer, not to fire back. But rather just feel inwards and see if there was a stillness within. My pain and anger diminished a little and I suddenly could see what was happening.
It was almost as if I had to fall down into this personal hell of mine, to learn that there was always a way out. In retrospect I seems untrue that I was so angry. But I was – and so much that I can remember it clearly at the time of this writing, weeks later in May 2013.
As it says in the Manual for Teachers: You should really only attribute any value to anything in this world if there was a useful lesson in it for someone. Otherwise nothing in this world has any value.
It takes great learning to understand that all things, events, encounters and circumstances are helpful. It is only to the extent to which they are helpful that any degree of reality should be accorded them in this world of illusion. The word “value” can apply to nothing else.
Characteristics of a Teacher,
Manual For Teachers, ACIM Urtext
Of course, this was my lesson.
My peace depends on my decision or desire to be still enough to experience peace. “Please help me find peace! And please let me see my husband in a different light!”, I pleaded.
The next day we went on an excursion to a forest with our friends. We were five adults and five children. While walking in the forest, breathing in the beauty of the forest, I finally experienced consciously what that stillness within really was.
My pleading was answered. The experience of peace did depend on my wanting to feel it. I need help to find it – and help was all around me ready for me to take it.
Help from other people, help from the nature, help from my Higher Self. I needed help to stop listening to the wishes from the ego and allow for stillness. That stillness within to hear the deep yearning for peace of my Soul.
The forest helped me, and the trickling of water. My children and their wonderful stories. Seeing my husband helping the children jump from stone to stone.
Then when he lent a hand to our friend, an older lady, to cross the stream at a difficult spot my heart flew out to him. How kind was this beautiful soul, who accompanied me in this life-time! I now saw him in a different light.
My wish was granted, the lesson experienced and finally understood. What more “value” do I need?
A Course in Miracles – Lesson 273
In other words…
The stillness of the Peace of Love is mine. It waits forever patiently for me to quiet down and experience what stillness truly means. In that stillness within I find what is mine in truth: Love, Peace and Joy.
How do you feel about this?
What is your experience? I would love to know.